...also known as "Need for More Stupid Cut Scenes".
Before I get into a rant about a few small things that NfS:HP did that bothered me... slightly. Let me say that the basic game here is fine, quite amusing actually. Even though NfS: Hot Pursuit is not new I found myself reasonably impressed with the graphics, it ran well and the gameplay was mostly solid though the physics seem a bit weak at times...
So it's good... but.
THE CUTSCENES ARE GOD-DAMN FUCKING IRRITATING!!!!
Every race has a cutscene to start, every new car you 'earn' gets a cutscene, every time you 'rank up' there's a cutscene, there's a bullshit splashscreen that pops up after every race acting like there's some huge issue because I'm not logged into the stupid online ranking system, the game tried to force me to watch an advertisement when I ran it for the first time, it lasted 8 minutes... I alt-tabbed and watched youtube.
I SHOULDN'T FEEL THE NEED TO ENTERTAIN MYSELF BECAUSE EA DECIDED TO JERK OFF ABOUT THEIR OTHER GAMES FOR 10 MINUTES!!!
...in short, NfS:hot pursuit is like a delicious chocolate with a filling that isn't perfect... coated in EA's love spunk.
You might want the chocolate, but you've got to wipe all the spunk off first. Hope you have a lot of tissues.
Actually, that's a better name for the game... "Need for Tissues: EA spanks it all over you..."
...ultimately, it's a side complaint, but I just don't get why we need all these tiny cutscenes breaking up the gameplay, wasting time and being unskippable. That's the big thing for me, the vast majority of these things are unskippable and that just amplifies the irritation...
Keeper3, EA have some really fucking stupid ideas sometimes.
I remember the original test drive... in that game you just drove in races and no stupid cutscenes! ZOMG!!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
GoldenEye revisited
Not too long ago, I laughed at claim that Goldeneye for the N64 was the BEST FPS EVAR!!! And I ended my review with a prediction that there would be 3 camps for the release of it's reboot; GoldenEye for the Wii,
Let's see if I was right.
WIKIPEDIA POWAHS ACTIVATE!
"Reviews for GoldenEye 007 have been mostly positive."
Oooh, first blow against me...
"Frankly, I haven't seen a more impressive Wii shooter."
Note the use of 'Wii' there? That means there is better, but not on the Wii (just like GoldenEye for N64!)
"a lackluster game that fails to hit the same high notes of the original, or keep pace with modern shooters"
Huh, looks like I lost the first round but won the match, how about Metacritic?
Current score is 81, which is lower than the original by around 13 points... Highest score was 100; Lowest score was 58% which suggests a broad range of opinions. Innnnnnteresting. I'll take that as a point in my favour.
The comments I'm reading on various reviewer pages (metacritic and others) seem to roughly fall into two groups, those that like the wii version, and those that compare it to the N64 version and find it lacking. Another point in my favour.
...of course, it's hard to prove a lot of people don't care about it... or is it?
Let's look at sales numbers of the old and new game; based on this site (Goldeneye Wii, Goldeneye N64)
GoldenEye N64: 8Million+
GoldenEye Wii: 1,085,651
Granted, the older version has been out for a loooong time, but the Wii version has had nearly 6 months, I would think with the larger player base out there would make a great game sell a lot more copies, as a comparison, over roughly the same length of time Modern Warfare sold over 10 million copies on the XBox 360 alone (source).
Though, I should point out that I'm not fond of Modern Warfare either, but that is a story for another time...
Regardless, I claim victory, my only prize is the fuzzy feeling of rightness... or perhaps righteousness?
Let me say though, that I would have been happy to have been wrong; I want nothing more than good games to come out and for people to be entertained rather than disappointed, but before that can happen we as consumers must start refusing inferior products and demand more for our money.
Keeper3, I love being right, and I hate being right.
Next up, Dungeon Keeper.
- Fanboiz that love it for no apparent reason
- Fanboiz that would hate it for no apparent reason
- Everyone else that wouldn't care.
Let's see if I was right.
WIKIPEDIA POWAHS ACTIVATE!
"Reviews for GoldenEye 007 have been mostly positive."
Oooh, first blow against me...
"Frankly, I haven't seen a more impressive Wii shooter."
Note the use of 'Wii' there? That means there is better, but not on the Wii (just like GoldenEye for N64!)
"a lackluster game that fails to hit the same high notes of the original, or keep pace with modern shooters"
Huh, looks like I lost the first round but won the match, how about Metacritic?
Current score is 81, which is lower than the original by around 13 points... Highest score was 100; Lowest score was 58% which suggests a broad range of opinions. Innnnnnteresting. I'll take that as a point in my favour.
The comments I'm reading on various reviewer pages (metacritic and others) seem to roughly fall into two groups, those that like the wii version, and those that compare it to the N64 version and find it lacking. Another point in my favour.
...of course, it's hard to prove a lot of people don't care about it... or is it?
Let's look at sales numbers of the old and new game; based on this site (Goldeneye Wii, Goldeneye N64)
GoldenEye N64: 8Million+
GoldenEye Wii: 1,085,651
Granted, the older version has been out for a loooong time, but the Wii version has had nearly 6 months, I would think with the larger player base out there would make a great game sell a lot more copies, as a comparison, over roughly the same length of time Modern Warfare sold over 10 million copies on the XBox 360 alone (source).
Modern Warfare 2 (
Though, I should point out that I'm not fond of Modern Warfare either, but that is a story for another time...
Regardless, I claim victory, my only prize is the fuzzy feeling of rightness... or perhaps righteousness?
Let me say though, that I would have been happy to have been wrong; I want nothing more than good games to come out and for people to be entertained rather than disappointed, but before that can happen we as consumers must start refusing inferior products and demand more for our money.
Keeper3, I love being right, and I hate being right.
Next up, Dungeon Keeper.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Magicka - and other stuff
Magicka is awesome... Just don't expect it to be serious. :)
Oh, and if you were scared off this game because of all the complaints about bugs, don't worry about that now, the game is pretty good with only one bug I've noticed so far.
Play it! Play it NAOW!!! It's silly and crazy and every character sounds like the chef from the mupput show! DOO EEET!!!
Anyway, this post isn't really about Magicka (it's hard to make a long post about a good game) it's more about something I've noticed recently... and that is the realisation that I started this silly little soap box blog almost a year ago on April the 20th, 2010. So, I'm gonna do what I was always meant to do... I'm going to review Dungeon Keeper, Dungeon Keeper 2 and as many DK rip-offs as I can find in order to celebrate this waste of time I like to engage in.
So you may ask... "Why Dungeon Keeper? Why now? Who cares?!? What's dungeon keeper again?" All reasonable questions (except the last one!), however my answer to all these questions is: I love these games and it's my blog.
...alright, alright! There is more to it than just that. I think I really need to put down in words exactly why I like these games; why I can play these games despite the age and the flaws I know that each one of these games contain... Dungeon Keeper 2 for example, has pretty aweful AI at times to the point where the closest to intelligence the AI keepers or the heroes show is from scripts... There's more, much more... The first game has weak AI as well, but not as pronounced (that I remember).
I only know of one DK rip off thus far, something called "Dungeons"... Overlord doesn't count, it's in the same spirit but it's not a strategy game, it's more RPG/tactical. Dungeons is a bad game based on the accounts I've found thus far... this won't stop me playing it.
If anyone has any ideas on a good (or bad) Dungeon Keeper style game, lemme know.
Keeper3 - If only my name meant there was a third dungeon keeper game... Oh well. PLAY MAGICKA!
Oh, and if you were scared off this game because of all the complaints about bugs, don't worry about that now, the game is pretty good with only one bug I've noticed so far.
Play it! Play it NAOW!!! It's silly and crazy and every character sounds like the chef from the mupput show! DOO EEET!!!
Anyway, this post isn't really about Magicka (it's hard to make a long post about a good game) it's more about something I've noticed recently... and that is the realisation that I started this silly little soap box blog almost a year ago on April the 20th, 2010. So, I'm gonna do what I was always meant to do... I'm going to review Dungeon Keeper, Dungeon Keeper 2 and as many DK rip-offs as I can find in order to celebrate this waste of time I like to engage in.
So you may ask... "Why Dungeon Keeper? Why now? Who cares?!? What's dungeon keeper again?" All reasonable questions (except the last one!), however my answer to all these questions is: I love these games and it's my blog.
...alright, alright! There is more to it than just that. I think I really need to put down in words exactly why I like these games; why I can play these games despite the age and the flaws I know that each one of these games contain... Dungeon Keeper 2 for example, has pretty aweful AI at times to the point where the closest to intelligence the AI keepers or the heroes show is from scripts... There's more, much more... The first game has weak AI as well, but not as pronounced (that I remember).
I only know of one DK rip off thus far, something called "Dungeons"... Overlord doesn't count, it's in the same spirit but it's not a strategy game, it's more RPG/tactical. Dungeons is a bad game based on the accounts I've found thus far... this won't stop me playing it.
If anyone has any ideas on a good (or bad) Dungeon Keeper style game, lemme know.
Keeper3 - If only my name meant there was a third dungeon keeper game... Oh well. PLAY MAGICKA!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood
Sooo... I was gonna bash the shit out of this game, but recently I had an epiphany.
It was late one night, I was trying to sleep and a thought popped into my head "man... I should finish watching that western movie thing..." It took me a minute in my sleepy state to realise that I was thinking of the game, not a movie.
It was this game in fact, Call of Juarez. While this CoJ:BiB has it's fair share of flaws; rushed story, plot holes, barely average voice acting, boring weapons, etc... it manages to be competent in it's western setting and it's flaws don't bring the game down just irritate.
So what we have here is a decent western game on the PC, not amazing, not bad... just ok.
But it's just so nice not to have to deal with yet another modern or futuristic fucking solder/space marine idiot with exaggerated bravado that it elevates what is otherwise fairly forgettable.
In short: if you like westerns and shooters, you'll have fun with this flawed gem.
Also: FUCK YOU ROCKSTAR!!! RELEASE RED DEAD REDEMPTION ON PC ALREADY!!!
...and don't do a shitty port, implement proper PC controls.
Keeper3: I don't ask too much, gimme a game I'll play and I'll give you money; that's fair.
It was late one night, I was trying to sleep and a thought popped into my head "man... I should finish watching that western movie thing..." It took me a minute in my sleepy state to realise that I was thinking of the game, not a movie.
It was this game in fact, Call of Juarez. While this CoJ:BiB has it's fair share of flaws; rushed story, plot holes, barely average voice acting, boring weapons, etc... it manages to be competent in it's western setting and it's flaws don't bring the game down just irritate.
So what we have here is a decent western game on the PC, not amazing, not bad... just ok.
But it's just so nice not to have to deal with yet another modern or futuristic fucking solder/space marine idiot with exaggerated bravado that it elevates what is otherwise fairly forgettable.
In short: if you like westerns and shooters, you'll have fun with this flawed gem.
Also: FUCK YOU ROCKSTAR!!! RELEASE RED DEAD REDEMPTION ON PC ALREADY!!!
...and don't do a shitty port, implement proper PC controls.
Keeper3: I don't ask too much, gimme a game I'll play and I'll give you money; that's fair.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Bulletstorm... bah.
Ah... Bulletstorm... what can I say that hasn't already been said?
It's childish, overreliant on swearing (fucking distracting when the bastards swear so much eh?), hyperactive story, silly guns, etc etc...
...and I don't like it.
But; the above description could also be Duke Nukem 3D, and I loved that game!
Sooo... what's happened here? Have my standards increased? I am seeing TEH DUKE through nostalgia goggles? Have I matured?!? (say it ain't so!)
Nah, it's none of those things! It's that Bulletstorm has all of the gimmicks, all of the stupid with none of the carefree spirit of Duke Nukem or any of the shooters of that age.
As an example, in Bulletstorm you have this skillshot thing, you kill stuff in strange and amusing ways to get points... is this fun? Interesting? Funny? It would be if it wasn't shoehorned into the story and forced upon you...
You know what the skillshot system is? It's just what you do in all shooters when you get a little bored, stuffing around with guns to see how many dudes you can gib at once, or how many enemies you can impale with one shot of your tree cannon... or whatever. Just formalised, and given rules... and you have to do it all the time.
Fuck that. Next time you put skillshots in take away the need to make these skillshots and try to have cool shots give points, rankings or whatever; not currency. And make them based on loose rules rather than fully defined so the player can just create their own shots either by accident or by design.
...otherwise Bulletstorm is a competent, if short, shooter. Skip it unless you're really into shooters and you need a fix that isn't another bloody "modern" shooter like modern warfare 23, bordom ops or Battlefield elite bad company good day 7.
Bulletstorm; proving the old adage "Any fun activity can be ruined when it becomes necessary and bound by rules." (like driving! :D)
Keeper3; my car goes Brum brum! My car goes Vrooom!
It's childish, overreliant on swearing (fucking distracting when the bastards swear so much eh?), hyperactive story, silly guns, etc etc...
...and I don't like it.
But; the above description could also be Duke Nukem 3D, and I loved that game!
Sooo... what's happened here? Have my standards increased? I am seeing TEH DUKE through nostalgia goggles? Have I matured?!? (say it ain't so!)
Nah, it's none of those things! It's that Bulletstorm has all of the gimmicks, all of the stupid with none of the carefree spirit of Duke Nukem or any of the shooters of that age.
As an example, in Bulletstorm you have this skillshot thing, you kill stuff in strange and amusing ways to get points... is this fun? Interesting? Funny? It would be if it wasn't shoehorned into the story and forced upon you...
You know what the skillshot system is? It's just what you do in all shooters when you get a little bored, stuffing around with guns to see how many dudes you can gib at once, or how many enemies you can impale with one shot of your tree cannon... or whatever. Just formalised, and given rules... and you have to do it all the time.
Fuck that. Next time you put skillshots in take away the need to make these skillshots and try to have cool shots give points, rankings or whatever; not currency. And make them based on loose rules rather than fully defined so the player can just create their own shots either by accident or by design.
...otherwise Bulletstorm is a competent, if short, shooter. Skip it unless you're really into shooters and you need a fix that isn't another bloody "modern" shooter like modern warfare 23, bordom ops or Battlefield elite bad company good day 7.
Bulletstorm; proving the old adage "Any fun activity can be ruined when it becomes necessary and bound by rules." (like driving! :D)
Keeper3; my car goes Brum brum! My car goes Vrooom!
Friday, March 4, 2011
WAAAAAAAAGH!!!
I love warhammer, especially Warhammer 40k... so you'd think when Warhammer comes to the PC I'd be all over it, right?
Weeeeeell... the problem is I love the story of warhammer, the ideas the characters the philosophy of it... the "fluff" as it's called I find is the best of warhammer; never really liked the tabletop thing. So a game is only good if the fluff comes through the game intact and the game itself is competently made...
No one gets any points for guessing a good Warhammer game, just look at Dawn of War or one of it's many expansions or sequels; except soulfire or whatever it was called, what a PoS that was; sisters of battle? What a gyp! Buggy as 'eck... and ugly too! Dragged DoW down the plug 'ole that did.
Hrm, where was I? Oh yeah... I was saying good things.
So Dawn of war is good, warhammer online is pretty good (not to my taste), I'm sure there's a few other solid games around... but hang on, what's missing there? We have strategy and RPG, but we don't have a good shooter.
I LOVE a shooter with a good story with strong gameplay elements ripped right from said story... Have there been any warhammer shooters? Well... there have been a few I'm sure... but the only one I've found is Warhammer 40K: Firewarrior. (space hulk doesn't count, it's more strategy than shooter... though it is awesome)
I played the PC version of Firewarrior... and I can safely say that without the Warhammer franchise behind it, it would simply be a bland, poorly crafted shooter. The fluff keeps you in the game long after you would otherwise drop it like the piece of shit that it is...
Just as an example: the AI sucks horribly... you're a tau warrior, a soldier that focuses on long range shooting and is terrible at melee, your main enemy is the imperial guard and a few space marines. There are enemies that ambush you with a chain sword... we're talking your biggest weakness, close quarters fighting with no warning... and the fuckers just seem to dance around you swinging their swords impotently! The only way you'd get hurt is if you jumped into their flailing... It was retarded; and that is just the dumbest thing not the worst; the graphics sucked and the game was ugly, the sound was boring, the difficulty curve was schiztophrenic, maps uninspiring and confusing, etc, etc, etc...
What was sad, REALLY sad is that the story was actually pretty good; it was all that kept me going though what was otherwise a horrible experience in every way until I finally lost interest and deleted the game unfinished.
Sooo... gaming industry, Games Workshop... find someone that'll do Warhammer justice and give us an AWESOME FPS set in the Warhammer40k world... or the fantasy setting, we could have a hack and slash game too. That'd be nice.
...it's a setting begging for someone to run around shooting and/or slashing things. :D
Also: DoW 2 is awesome, buy it if you like strategy and Single player campaigns that don't feel tacked on (*cough* Starcraft2 *cough*).
Keeper3 - Man, I really do have a hate on for Blizzard these days, eh?
Weeeeeell... the problem is I love the story of warhammer, the ideas the characters the philosophy of it... the "fluff" as it's called I find is the best of warhammer; never really liked the tabletop thing. So a game is only good if the fluff comes through the game intact and the game itself is competently made...
No one gets any points for guessing a good Warhammer game, just look at Dawn of War or one of it's many expansions or sequels; except soulfire or whatever it was called, what a PoS that was; sisters of battle? What a gyp! Buggy as 'eck... and ugly too! Dragged DoW down the plug 'ole that did.
Hrm, where was I? Oh yeah... I was saying good things.
So Dawn of war is good, warhammer online is pretty good (not to my taste), I'm sure there's a few other solid games around... but hang on, what's missing there? We have strategy and RPG, but we don't have a good shooter.
I LOVE a shooter with a good story with strong gameplay elements ripped right from said story... Have there been any warhammer shooters? Well... there have been a few I'm sure... but the only one I've found is Warhammer 40K: Firewarrior. (space hulk doesn't count, it's more strategy than shooter... though it is awesome)
I played the PC version of Firewarrior... and I can safely say that without the Warhammer franchise behind it, it would simply be a bland, poorly crafted shooter. The fluff keeps you in the game long after you would otherwise drop it like the piece of shit that it is...
Just as an example: the AI sucks horribly... you're a tau warrior, a soldier that focuses on long range shooting and is terrible at melee, your main enemy is the imperial guard and a few space marines. There are enemies that ambush you with a chain sword... we're talking your biggest weakness, close quarters fighting with no warning... and the fuckers just seem to dance around you swinging their swords impotently! The only way you'd get hurt is if you jumped into their flailing... It was retarded; and that is just the dumbest thing not the worst; the graphics sucked and the game was ugly, the sound was boring, the difficulty curve was schiztophrenic, maps uninspiring and confusing, etc, etc, etc...
What was sad, REALLY sad is that the story was actually pretty good; it was all that kept me going though what was otherwise a horrible experience in every way until I finally lost interest and deleted the game unfinished.
Sooo... gaming industry, Games Workshop... find someone that'll do Warhammer justice and give us an AWESOME FPS set in the Warhammer40k world... or the fantasy setting, we could have a hack and slash game too. That'd be nice.
...it's a setting begging for someone to run around shooting and/or slashing things. :D
Also: DoW 2 is awesome, buy it if you like strategy and Single player campaigns that don't feel tacked on (*cough* Starcraft2 *cough*).
Keeper3 - Man, I really do have a hate on for Blizzard these days, eh?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Gah! Steam!
Sooo... remembering how much I lurv steam... I recently got this "recommended" to me...
Oh god... why do you hate me so Steam?
The rest of this post about games I've bought on Steam recently, but I couldn't help but show yet another piece of evidence that Steam is evil. Hmph... if Kane & Lynch 2 is similar to anything I play, please tell me so I can get a refund for those games. >.<
Moving on...
Sam & Max 3 (Episode 1-5)
If you like Sam and Max at all, this will amuse you. It has all of the humor of any of the previous games, clever writing and excessive cartoon violence you would expect of Sam & Max and more! My only complaint is that it was, at times, too easy. But really, to make an adventure game truly hard normally means a trip down adventure game logic alley, where up is blue and green is subatomic particle.
If that sentence made sense then you have a long career ahead of you in bad adventure games.
Dues Ex: Game of the Year Edition
Good game, shitty release. Steam gives you the old game with no apparent acknowledgement of the obvious compatibility issues... if you're willing to deal with these issues, and these are surmountable, then it's Dues Ex... Good stuff.
Bully: Scholarship edition
Think Grand Theft Auto... with more restraint in a school setting. Essentially you run around, do missions, attempt to pass classes and stay just within the rules of Bullsworth Academy just enough to avoid expulsion.
Definitely worth a look.
Super Meat Boy
A very arcardy platformer that is quite good... though overrated imo. You run around levels as a meat-thing attempting to rescue your girlfriend while attempting to avoid a gruesome death. Pretty fun.
And that's all for games from Steam... remember, the games might be alright, but interacting with steam is like receiving an enema from the devil. :)
Keeper3 - I'll use Steam, but I don't have to like it.
Oh god... why do you hate me so Steam?The rest of this post about games I've bought on Steam recently, but I couldn't help but show yet another piece of evidence that Steam is evil. Hmph... if Kane & Lynch 2 is similar to anything I play, please tell me so I can get a refund for those games. >.<
Moving on...
Sam & Max 3 (Episode 1-5)
If you like Sam and Max at all, this will amuse you. It has all of the humor of any of the previous games, clever writing and excessive cartoon violence you would expect of Sam & Max and more! My only complaint is that it was, at times, too easy. But really, to make an adventure game truly hard normally means a trip down adventure game logic alley, where up is blue and green is subatomic particle.
If that sentence made sense then you have a long career ahead of you in bad adventure games.
Dues Ex: Game of the Year Edition
Good game, shitty release. Steam gives you the old game with no apparent acknowledgement of the obvious compatibility issues... if you're willing to deal with these issues, and these are surmountable, then it's Dues Ex... Good stuff.
Bully: Scholarship edition
Think Grand Theft Auto... with more restraint in a school setting. Essentially you run around, do missions, attempt to pass classes and stay just within the rules of Bullsworth Academy just enough to avoid expulsion.
Definitely worth a look.
Super Meat Boy
A very arcardy platformer that is quite good... though overrated imo. You run around levels as a meat-thing attempting to rescue your girlfriend while attempting to avoid a gruesome death. Pretty fun.
And that's all for games from Steam... remember, the games might be alright, but interacting with steam is like receiving an enema from the devil. :)
Keeper3 - I'll use Steam, but I don't have to like it.
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