GoldenEye revisited

Not too long ago, I laughed at claim that Goldeneye for the N64 was the BEST FPS EVAR!!! And I ended my review with a prediction that there would be 3 camps for the release of it's reboot; GoldenEye for the Wii,

1. Fanboiz that love it for no apparent reason
2. Fanboiz that would hate it for no apparent reason
3. Everyone else that wouldn't care.

Let's see if I was right.

WIKIPEDIA POWAHS ACTIVATE!
"Reviews for GoldenEye 007 have been mostly positive."
Oooh, first blow against me...
"Frankly, I haven't seen a more impressive Wii shooter."
Note the use of 'Wii' there? That means there is better, but not on the Wii (just like GoldenEye for N64!)
"a lackluster game that fails to hit the same high notes of the original, or keep pace with modern shooters"

Huh, looks like I lost the first round but won the match, how about Metacritic?

Current score is 81, which is lower than the original by around 13 points... Highest score was 100; Lowest score was 58% which suggests a broad range of opinions. Innnnnnteresting. I'll take that as a point in my favour.

The comments I'm reading on various reviewer pages (metacritic and others) seem to roughly fall into two groups, those that like the wii version, and those that compare it to the N64 version and find it lacking. Another point in my favour.

...of course, it's hard to prove a lot of people don't care about it... or is it?

Let's look at sales numbers of the old and new game; based on this site (Goldeneye Wii, Goldeneye N64)

GoldenEye N64: 8Million+
GoldenEye Wii: 1,085,651

Granted, the older version has been out for a loooong time, but the Wii version has had nearly 6 months, I would think with the larger player base out there would make a great game sell a lot more copies, as a comparison, over roughly the same length of time Modern Warfare sold over 10 million copies on the XBox 360 alone (source).

Modern Warfare 2 (XBox360)GoldenEye(wii)

Not hard to see why, is it?

Though, I should point out that I'm not fond of Modern Warfare either, but that is a story for another time...

Regardless, I claim victory, my only prize is the fuzzy feeling of rightness... or perhaps righteousness?

Let me say though, that I would have been happy to have been wrong; I want nothing more than good games to come out and for people to be entertained rather than disappointed, but before that can happen we as consumers must start refusing inferior products and demand more for our money.

Keeper3, I love being right, and I hate being right.

Next up, Dungeon Keeper.

Magicka - and other stuff

Magicka is awesome... Just don't expect it to be serious. :)

Oh, and if you were scared off this game because of all the complaints about bugs, don't worry about that now, the game is pretty good with only one bug I've noticed so far.

Play it! Play it NAOW!!! It's silly and crazy and every character sounds like the chef from the mupput show! DOO EEET!!!

Anyway, this post isn't really about Magicka (it's hard to make a long post about a good game) it's more about something I've noticed recently... and that is the realisation that I started this silly little soap box blog almost a year ago on April the 20th, 2010. So, I'm gonna do what I was always meant to do... I'm going to review Dungeon Keeper, Dungeon Keeper 2 and as many DK rip-offs as I can find in order to celebrate this waste of time I like to engage in.

So you may ask... "Why Dungeon Keeper? Why now? Who cares?!? What's dungeon keeper again?" All reasonable questions (except the last one!), however my answer to all these questions is: I love these games and it's my blog.

...alright, alright! There is more to it than just that. I think I really need to put down in words exactly why I like these games; why I can play these games despite the age and the flaws I know that each one of these games contain... Dungeon Keeper 2 for example, has pretty aweful AI at times to the point where the closest to intelligence the AI keepers or the heroes show is from scripts... There's more, much more... The first game has weak AI as well, but not as pronounced (that I remember).

I only know of one DK rip off thus far, something called "Dungeons"... Overlord doesn't count, it's in the same spirit but it's not a strategy game, it's more RPG/tactical. Dungeons is a bad game based on the accounts I've found thus far... this won't stop me playing it.

If anyone has any ideas on a good (or bad) Dungeon Keeper style game, lemme know.

Keeper3 - If only my name meant there was a third dungeon keeper game... Oh well. PLAY MAGICKA!

Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood

Sooo... I was gonna bash the shit out of this game, but recently I had an epiphany.

It was late one night, I was trying to sleep and a thought popped into my head "man... I should finish watching that western movie thing..." It took me a minute in my sleepy state to realise that I was thinking of the game, not a movie.

It was this game in fact, Call of Juarez. While this CoJ:BiB has it's fair share of flaws; rushed story, plot holes, barely average voice acting, boring weapons, etc... it manages to be competent in it's western setting and it's flaws don't bring the game down just irritate.

So what we have here is a decent western game on the PC, not amazing, not bad... just ok.

But it's just so nice not to have to deal with yet another modern or futuristic fucking solder/space marine idiot with exaggerated bravado that it elevates what is otherwise fairly forgettable.

In short: if you like westerns and shooters, you'll have fun with this flawed gem.

Also: FUCK YOU ROCKSTAR!!! RELEASE RED DEAD REDEMPTION ON PC ALREADY!!!

...and don't do a shitty port, implement proper PC controls.

Keeper3: I don't ask too much, gimme a game I'll play and I'll give you money; that's fair.

Bulletstorm... bah.

Ah... Bulletstorm... what can I say that hasn't already been said?

It's childish, overreliant on swearing (fucking distracting when the bastards swear so much eh?), hyperactive story, silly guns, etc etc...

...and I don't like it.

But; the above description could also be Duke Nukem 3D, and I loved that game!

Sooo... what's happened here? Have my standards increased? I am seeing TEH DUKE through nostalgia goggles? Have I matured?!? (say it ain't so!)

Nah, it's none of those things! It's that Bulletstorm has all of the gimmicks, all of the stupid with none of the carefree spirit of Duke Nukem or any of the shooters of that age.

As an example, in Bulletstorm you have this skillshot thing, you kill stuff in strange and amusing ways to get points... is this fun? Interesting? Funny? It would be if it wasn't shoehorned into the story and forced upon you...

You know what the skillshot system is? It's just what you do in all shooters when you get a little bored, stuffing around with guns to see how many dudes you can gib at once, or how many enemies you can impale with one shot of your tree cannon... or whatever. Just formalised, and given rules... and you have to do it all the time.

Fuck that. Next time you put skillshots in take away the need to make these skillshots and try to have cool shots give points, rankings or whatever; not currency. And make them based on loose rules rather than fully defined so the player can just create their own shots either by accident or by design.

...otherwise Bulletstorm is a competent, if short, shooter. Skip it unless you're really into shooters and you need a fix that isn't another bloody "modern" shooter like modern warfare 23, bordom ops or Battlefield elite bad company good day 7.

Bulletstorm; proving the old adage "Any fun activity can be ruined when it becomes necessary and bound by rules." (like driving! :D)

Keeper3; my car goes Brum brum! My car goes Vrooom!

WAAAAAAAAGH!!!

I love warhammer, especially Warhammer 40k... so you'd think when Warhammer comes to the PC I'd be all over it, right?

Weeeeeell... the problem is I love the story of warhammer, the ideas the characters the philosophy of it... the "fluff" as it's called I find is the best of warhammer; never really liked the tabletop thing. So a game is only good if the fluff comes through the game intact and the game itself is competently made...

No one gets any points for guessing a good Warhammer game, just look at Dawn of War or one of it's many expansions or sequels; except soulfire or whatever it was called, what a PoS that was; sisters of battle? What a gyp! Buggy as 'eck... and ugly too! Dragged DoW down the plug 'ole that did.

Hrm, where was I? Oh yeah... I was saying good things.

So Dawn of war is good, warhammer online is pretty good (not to my taste), I'm sure there's a few other solid games around... but hang on, what's missing there? We have strategy and RPG, but we don't have a good shooter.

I LOVE a shooter with a good story with strong gameplay elements ripped right from said story... Have there been any warhammer shooters? Well... there have been a few I'm sure... but the only one I've found is Warhammer 40K: Firewarrior. (space hulk doesn't count, it's more strategy than shooter... though it is awesome)

I played the PC version of Firewarrior... and I can safely say that without the Warhammer franchise behind it, it would simply be a bland, poorly crafted shooter. The fluff keeps you in the game long after you would otherwise drop it like the piece of shit that it is...

Just as an example: the AI sucks horribly... you're a tau warrior, a soldier that focuses on long range shooting and is terrible at melee, your main enemy is the imperial guard and a few space marines. There are enemies that ambush you with a chain sword... we're talking your biggest weakness, close quarters fighting with no warning... and the fuckers just seem to dance around you swinging their swords impotently! The only way you'd get hurt is if you jumped into their flailing... It was retarded; and that is just the dumbest thing not the worst; the graphics sucked and the game was ugly, the sound was boring, the difficulty curve was schiztophrenic, maps uninspiring and confusing, etc, etc, etc...

What was sad, REALLY sad is that the story was actually pretty good; it was all that kept me going though what was otherwise a horrible experience in every way until I finally lost interest and deleted the game unfinished.

Sooo... gaming industry, Games Workshop... find someone that'll do Warhammer justice and give us an AWESOME FPS set in the Warhammer40k world... or the fantasy setting, we could have a hack and slash game too. That'd be nice.

...it's a setting begging for someone to run around shooting and/or slashing things. :D

Also: DoW 2 is awesome, buy it if you like strategy and Single player campaigns that don't feel tacked on (*cough* Starcraft2 *cough*).

Keeper3 - Man, I really do have a hate on for Blizzard these days, eh?

Gah! Steam!

Sooo... remembering how much I lurv steam... I recently got this "recommended" to me...

Oh god... why do you hate me so Steam?

The rest of this post about games I've bought on Steam recently, but I couldn't help but show yet another piece of evidence that Steam is evil. Hmph... if Kane & Lynch 2 is similar to anything I play, please tell me so I can get a refund for those games. >.<

Moving on...

Sam & Max 3 (Episode 1-5)

If you like Sam and Max at all, this will amuse you. It has all of the humor of any of the previous games, clever writing and excessive cartoon violence you would expect of Sam & Max and more! My only complaint is that it was, at times, too easy. But really, to make an adventure game truly hard normally means a trip down adventure game logic alley, where up is blue and green is subatomic particle.

If that sentence made sense then you have a long career ahead of you in bad adventure games.

Dues Ex: Game of the Year Edition

Good game, shitty release. Steam gives you the old game with no apparent acknowledgement of the obvious compatibility issues... if you're willing to deal with these issues, and these are surmountable, then it's Dues Ex... Good stuff.

Bully: Scholarship edition

Think Grand Theft Auto... with more restraint in a school setting. Essentially you run around, do missions, attempt to pass classes and stay just within the rules of Bullsworth Academy just enough to avoid expulsion.

Definitely worth a look.

Super Meat Boy

A very arcardy platformer that is quite good... though overrated imo. You run around levels as a meat-thing attempting to rescue your girlfriend while attempting to avoid a gruesome death. Pretty fun.

And that's all for games from Steam... remember, the games might be alright, but interacting with steam is like receiving an enema from the devil. :)

Keeper3 - I'll use Steam, but I don't have to like it.

It's a new year...

...and we're still playing the same games.

I've been sitting on this post for a while, I blame my new job... but I said in my last post I would say "more" about Cataclysm and it's been long enough; let's begin.

First, the good:
The old 'vanilla' WoW from mid 2000's is gone... replaced with a world that uses some of the technology from the expansions since it's release. This is awesome, no more NPC's sitting there complaining about the same shit as when you rolled your toon in 2006. The world changes and progresses with your quest completions... it feels more alive!

The graphics are better, while still not requiring a beast of a computer to run. Good graphics don't make a good game, but WoW was starting to look very dated... although the character models could do with an update.

The game is hard* again. Wrath made the game way too easy... but there's still some tweaking to be done. Some bosses slap you around like a bully is stealing your lunch money, while others essentially just fall over and die the moment you draw your weapons.
*...a little bit anyway.

Archeology is cool... kinda?

GET DIGGIN' MOFOS

The Bad...
Blizzard changed too much, my personal favorite spec, the Retribution Paladin changed completely such that it feels like a different toon. Hunters would know this feeling well. We're in a situation where some classes and specs seem dead compared to others... This is a classic case of overreach on Blizzard's part, changing too much and not listening to the players during beta. Why have a beta and then release the game without making changes the beta made obvious?

Healers have it too hard (imo); healers are giving up from what I'm hearing, they've perhaps dialed up the difficulty a bit too much for them...
...as a result, melee characters tend to die from the increased overall difficulty and stressed healers; I don't die as much as I'm a ret and can self heal. This is hardly an ideal situation though.


The Ugly...
Blizz put in a change that forces you to level in your "proper" areas... ie, once you hit level 60, you are hit with a 90% penalty to your XP if you stay in the old world... the nice new old world... so you move onto the now quite old Burning Crusade content... Why? WHY?!?

WTF BLIZZARD?!?

I could have a few more levels in the brand new revitalised old world zones... I could explore areas revealed by the cataclysm and enjoy the new stories... but no, some moron at Blizzard decided to hit us with a massive disincentive so we'll leave the new content and go be bored for the next 15-20 levels. Good show.

Also the new pre loader fucks up every second time I open it for no apparent reason...

Failed is the right word...

Conclusion:
Ultimately, if you like WoW, Cataclysm is a safe bet; if only because of the revived old world but prepare to hit a brick wall as soon as you enter the new Cataclysm heroic dungeons... especially if you're a healer.

...of course, for those old boys who liked the elite feel you got when epics were actually kind of hard, well... that might just attract you.

Next time, ima talk about some new games I bought from Steam (...I still hate Steam though).